What makes deniers of the Law of the Excluded Middle so shy?
They just don't know how to take a complement!
Who does a mantissa bring along on a date?
Their significand other!
Why do mathematicians get excited for the beginning of a lecture?
Because that's when they do attendance!
Why did Cauchy integrate around an annulus?
Because it had a nice ring to it.
What do you call four turbines in a row?
A generating series.
What kind of mathematics will keep you dry in a rainstorm?
Umbral calculus.
What was Galois's worst subject?
Dual spaces.
Émile Mathieu goes to the movie theater and orders popcorn. The server asks how he would like it. He says, "Simple."
"Do you mean plain?"
"No, just make sure you quotient out the kernels."
My favorite trigonometric function is cosine, but its reciprocal is a close secant.
An apeirogon walks into a bar. The bartender turns to them and says,
"Hey pal, why the long face?"
Why do geometers have the fastest internet connections?
They always splurge on a fiber bundle.
Why did the park ranger study analysis?
To learn the Baire category theorem.
How does a doppelganger compute an integral?
They make a u-substitution.
Why did Conway grate a lemon?
He wanted some zest for life.
Why didn't Frobenius study commutative groups?
He wasn't Abel.
Why was the topologist excommunicated?
For teaching the heretical ball theorem.
Why did the probabilist throw a dessert tray out the window?
To demonstrate a brownie in motion.
What did Archimedes name his fursona?
Conic the Hedgehog.
Why can't you make fun of transfinite integers?
They are beyond parity.
I think I found Leonhard Euler's internet influencer account.
Really? What's the channel called?
The Original Sigma Male.
What is a marine biologist's favorite infinitessimal?
The sharklength differential.
Why do pixies study number theory?
To learn the Farey sequence.
A rose by any other name would exhibit the same invariants.
-Homeomorphism and Julia Set
How does an uncultured topologist serve wine?
I don't know, how?
Straight from the Klein bottle.
Then how does a cultured topologist serve wine?
They pour it into a decantor set first.
And for those who made it to the bottom of this list:
Congratulations, div!
Congratulations, curl!
Congratulations, grad!